Before I get to changes I would like to share my thoughts on the book I have been reading. I thought I had to take a break from text books and read something else. It is a book I bought in
Poland in April and it’s a continuation of the so called river interview of Wladyslaw Bartoszewski – a Polish historian and politician, and a person I have admired for a long time. He is 85 years old and still very active in the social and political life of
Poland and the world. During the WWII he was imprisoned by the Nazis in the concentration camp, after he was released he worked underground – in the resistance movement, after the war he was arrested by the communist government and spent time in various prisons (altogether 8 years) and again worked underground in the meantime… in Radio Free Europe and in general and personal resistance to the system and its absurdities. After the communist system fell he became active in the Polish political arena, working for the new government of free Poland, also serving as teacher and professor, working at various universities around Europe, teaching younger generation values of honor, decent living, dignity, living in truth and respect for fellow human beings. I admire that man greatly, mostly and precisely for living in truth. This is basically what he says: you can choose to live in truth. If you have “the will to live in truth” you are fine. Bartoszewski always lived in truth, no matter how difficult it was and whatever troubles this may have caused him. In one of the interviews with him I read some time ago he said that when he was arrested during the WWII (and later deported to the concentration camp) during a random street-catch which the Nazis did in many cities of Poland, he was caught with a friend and that friend panicked and was showing the Germans who caught them his necklace with the crucifix to show them he was Catholic, to prove that he was not a Jew, hoping the street-catch was directed at Jews and by doing this he would be released. Bartoszewski said that at that moment, being a very young man, he decided for life that life at all cost made no sense – if he could not be true to himself and to who he was, there was no sense in living; if he would not be able to “look at himself in the mirror”, without averting his eyes in disgust.., if he was trying to save his skin at all cost, if he lost his self-respect and begged the persecutors on his knees... What I like most about that man is that he calls the things by their real name and at the same time looks for solutions to move ahead. What I mean is the following. He saw terrible things done by the Nazis in
Poland, the killings of Poles and Jews, the destruction of people’s lives and his homeland, the terrible atrocities done by the Germans during WWII. After the war he worked together with various noble people in Europe, that including post-war
Germany, to find those who were guilty of these atrocities; he searched for documents to tell the truth as it was and to bring to public judgment those who were guilty to the trials in
Nurnberg. Many of the people who were in SS and responsible for killings of thousands of people were living peaceful lives after the war, often establishing their own businesses or even working for local governments in Germany. Bartoszewski believed that there has to be justice and without justice, without people being aware of the historical truth and reparations for those who have suffered, we would not be able to move forward or maybe we would move forward but that would be living in a lie. At the same time, knowing how great was the hostility between the Polish and German nations after the war, he thought that the just should talk and communicate, that the young generations should be introduced to each other and with the understanding of their father’s and grandfather’s faults, they should be more aware of importance of decisions, also political, of each citizen and that they should cultivate from now on the values of good neighborhood. Here’s what the chief Cardinal of the Episcopal Church of Germany said about Bartoszewski: “ What has given this man such great, undiminished strength to resist the forces of evil? I think that it is two values which are rooted in all social work of Wladyslaw Bartoszewski: justice and truth. He never denied that he felt fear but he could overcome it. He helped the victims and at the same time scrupulously recorded the deeds of their persecutors. It is a fascinating experience to me, to see how on one hand he can be emotionlessly objective and impartial and, on the other hand, how moving and emotional he is when he speaks as the witness, when he says what he witnessed with strength and decisiveness, more powerful than that which would come out of the mouth of any moralist. Because of that he will always be a person perceived as one who is “unsuitable, a troublemaker”, someone who – when it is necessary – will not be silent to upkeep a pleasant free-of-trouble atmosphere, but who will, when crucial, love dispute … who is skeptical when confronted with empty chairs. To him important is not good will, not good intentions, but deeds, or more to the point: good deeds ... There are situations where you have to go against the current. … One of the basic experiences of his life was the understanding that in cases which include justice and dignity of a man, no compromises can be made.”
Usually in whatever I do, I follow my intuition. And I also follow the values of men such as Bartoszewski. I want to have their strength, their self-respect and respect for a fellow man, and for any living being. I pray for those who live in fear and in lie, for the Creator and the Universe to show them the way… because they are lost. But that does not mean that those who do not respect me can step on me or abuse me – I demand respect and truth in any case. If someone spits in my face, I am not going to say it rains, and certainly, I will not give the other cheek to be slapped. And that brings me to changes…
I have been mentioning a few times in my blog that the school I attend, Swedish Insitute, has been changing negatively. Basically the administration (which in some parts has changed) is disrespectful to students, doesn’t stick to the original contract, makes various changes in the programs without any notice, revokes financial aid in the middle of a semester, etc. First the students were informed “behind the scenes” (it seems that nothing can be open at this school any more and everything is done “behind the scenes”) by some teachers that it was due to negotiations with a corporation which wanted to buy the school, then that it was due to new accreditation process but it basically seems that somewhere along the road the school had to have screwed something badly, either financially or legally, and is now trying to cover up, put the wool over students’ eyes, and fix it at the students’ expense. As a follower of Bartoszewski and many other noble man, the wool does not stick to my eyes and I can clearly see what is going on and I can’t be silent. Other students see it too but have no strength to protest loud enough or don’t believe that solidarity can take things far. I was raised in the communist system and I know what is a lie and what is the truth and I will fight if I have to (in those times whatever was absurd was called absurd out loud and no such thing as political correctness would cover it; I personally think that the notion of “political correctness” is the biggest bullshit ever invented, not only in politics but in general – this is precisely what would be considered a lie to Bartoszewski). To the administration of Swedish a lie is the daily bread, they lie without blinking… Talking to the owner of the school is like talking to the SS man (making a connection with Bartoszewski’s experience): “I killed off the 10,000 Jews in that city? Well, I am sorry. Now let’s move on.” This made Bartoszewski furious. It makes me furious too, whenever I see such attitude. “I am sorry” is just words, it doesn’t mean anything, only when it’s backed up by action and true will to repair what was done wrong. In any case, and not going into too many details, I asked myself what would Bartoszewski do confronted with evil and disrespect, what would all the other people guided by noble truths do and I decided they would not associate themselves with an institution which became treacherous and indecent, unless they absolutely had to for reasons beyond their control. I asked the Universe if it wanted me to continue here, for the good of my future patients, for the knowledge that I would get here to help them? But no, it seems the Universe doesn’t want me to do this at all cost, it seems it wants me to follow my values of living in truth and to move on and look for a school which will operate on the values of truth. I looked then and I found a school in Amsterdam and in London and I will look for the schools’ assessment of my study so far and decide where to apply. The school in Amsterdam is based on the Daoist philosophy so it would probably be better for me. I will see what they tell me once they get the transcript with courses I did at Swedish. In any case I will be leaving NY in early October. The Universe wants me to be somewhere else than NY and I accept this and I am even grateful – I will be happy to leave the city, ventilate my lungs with a fresher air, eat better food and maybe get more nature in my life. That will be again the beginning of another huge detox for me…
It would be better for me to study in Amsterdam because the school is rooted in the Daoist tradition but I have come to understanding that any philosophy, as long as it is connected to spirituality and not too restrictive, would be fine with me (being the “libertine” who can’t be part of any specific group or organization of any type). Ancient medicine has to be connected to spirituality because people who invented it were still connected to Mother Earth, to Sun and Moon and their cycles, to elements of nature, to themselves and the God content in them… I was thinking about this how the certain principles of nature are to be followed but not necessarily a master... I was thinking about this watching Adriano, our pathology teacher, who was doing a performance for the students of the tai chi he practices. He mentioned that he got very involved in the teachings of his master and that probably this was the main reason for his staying in NY. At that moment I thought whether I would be ever able to do this… stay at a specific place for a master. I always felt the Creator was the only Master I could follow… but he is everywhere I am… The tai chi that Adriano practices requires daily work of practice of specific movements. Adriano says that to get anywhere you have to stick to the practice and that it's hard work. I can’t stick to any practice other than the daily morning or evening walks in the woods with dogs (if I have the chance to do it) but there’s no hardship in it – it’s the biggest pleasure. And I feel that I can get anywhere I want just doing that… And if I can’t get somewhere (physically, mentally or spiritually) then I am not supposed to get there – it’s going to be part of a different time and space, and not part of this reality. I think masters would call it laziness on my part… but I think I can call it true belief.. of being guided in different way. The true belief makes me communicate with the Creator without emissaries… so the medicine I study has to go along with this. I respect masters for their wisdom but can’t follow blindly…
I was also thinking about the North American Indians lately. I feel I would like to get to know their culture better, although so little of it remains… I feel very connected to their nomadic nature and the belief in the Great Spirit. A few days ago news has spread around the world about the Canadian Government’s apology to the Native Americans who were forced to be educated (and brainwashed) in the boarding schools by the Canadian government and the churches connected to it. Here’s the website with the piece of news in case you haven’t seen it: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7438079.stm
This is what one of the women who went through the forced education said: “I believe the aboriginal people of Canada were very spiritual. Their lives were centered on the creator. When we came into the white man's world, this world of greed, our spirituality was gone. … The system robbed me of kinship and community and everything that entails. Most people don't know what it means because they don't have it. … I would like to see some action to go along with the apology. I would like more funding for our traditional way of healing, and for our justice system. I want our rules instead of their rules.”
And this brings me back to Bartoszewski – whatever he was fighting for 40 years ago still stands, on different land now: apology without action is meaningless...
I am now going to study a little... I have a day off today and I am recovering from a very busy weekend. On Saturday I went to the herb class, then with a group of fellow students for a snack and then to Monica (my class-mate) and Gary’s wedding party – it was lovely: lovely conversation, good food and music. Yesterday after the herb class we went with Karen to Brighton Beach, where we met with Gosia nad Rashid, we stayed on the beach for a while and then went for supper at Gosia and Rashid’s. Every night I went to bed around 3 am so today I woke up, had breakfast, took a nap, had lunch, took a nap, had dinner, took a nap… Lord! I hate to be lazy to THAT extend but once in a while it seems it’s necessary. It’s 7 pm – time to do something! And after that I think I will just go to bed… Good night all my dear friends!
