Dad
My father died on 5th of July. I went to Poland the same day to organize his funeral. I wanted it to be a beautiful farewell and it was. I invited people who are dear to me, my friends and neighbors. My dad didn´t have many friends, being a lonely soul and having a hard time connecting to people in an intimate way, but in his last yourney he was accompanied by me, my mom, and my friends - we all walked behind the urn with the ashes to the tumb where his parents lie - Wladyslaw and Franciszka. It was my father´s wish to be buried where his parents were buried. We paid respect to the remains of his physical incarnation. After the funeral we went for dinner to a restaurant close to our house. The restaurant is on the grounds of the stables and is surrounded by the forest in which I spent so much time before I left for America - a nice place to gather, spend time together and go for a walk... I wanted the dinner to be a nice event to remember, a time spent on conversation in peaceful atmosphere...
My father died on his own terms. He didn´t want to be immoblizied in bed and he wasn´t - he was walking on his own till the last day, enjoying life till the last minute. He died of internal hemhorrage which was a quick way to part with this world, in the end. I wasn´t with him when it happened physically but spiritually I was. I could feel his passing away and I experienced the transformation of the soul to a different dimension with him. He was not alone in the end and he still is not. The souls are never separated... I am grateful for meeting Shanti with whose help I can see things this way. To see things this way makes life rich and full of hope, as opposed to feeling emptyness, sadness and misery after loss. There is no sadness in me. There is only gratitude for the time spent together. The time spent together was difficult at times, especially the times where I was not wise and didn´t see things I later become to see. It took me some time to understand my dad but once I did I could feel unconditional love for him. My father has gone through very bad experience during the war, when he was a young boy. It made a mark in him and left him with many scars. After that it was hard for him to trust, to allow himself to love, and to express his feelings. On Easter morning he gave me a chocolate heart on which there were sugar letters saying "I love you." It was the closest he got to telling me that he loved me. However hard it was for him to express it I know that he loved me. I eate the hart piece by piece and it filled my heart with sweetness...
After I got back to NY I started studying hard to make up the missed tests at school and to prepare for the finals - I wanted to take them with my group because I so love it I want to stick to it until I graduate. They are incredible people. I got from them all the materials I needed and I passed all the exams. The exams were much harder than the previous semester and contained much more material. The day of the last exam, which was last Friday, I had a huge headache... That evening two of my classmates Karen and Autumn, and Rashid (Gosia went camping upstate) joined me to say goodbye to Ania and Tomek - two friends who are leaving for a year to backpack Siberia, China, India and South East Asia. I wasn´t sure if I could make it to the farwell with that big headache but we eased it with wine and beer...
On Sunday I came to Bogota. I have a three-week break from school and decided to do what I tend to be doing after events which seem to be breaking points in my life: it feels best to me to put a backpack on my back and go into the unknown. And the best place to do it is South America. It is my favorite continent still. It´s where I feel best (and on Iberian Peninsula). I found a hostel in the part of the city called la Candelaria - the oldest part surrounding the cathedral, with narrow winding streets, old buildings with patios and gardens inside. As always in South America I was struck with people´s kindness. After I came in the evening I went to eat and then for a walk to plaza major where I found the friendly dogs, wagging tails and stretching out for a pat and rub... This is honey for my soul... On my way from the airport a bus driver invited me to sit next to him and for half an hour we talked about life and he said life is hard in Bogota but it has a soul. Would a bus driver in NY say this to me? First of all he wouldn´t be able to talk to me while driving... So many things in NY are forbidden that it almost seems like life is stripped of its flavor by all these things one cannot do... Too much security makes life bland... But for now I can enjoy liberty of talking to bus drivers and all other people who feel inclined to talk to me. I am going to Santa Marta today. It is a coastal town up north and a port, and is a place from where one can go to Tyrona national park and from where excursions are made to Ciudad Perdida. I don´t know if I will go to see the Lost City (excavated ruins of lost civilization which are accessible through a trail in the jungle) - I will see how I feel when I get there. It is an area inhabited by indigenous groups of Koguis, Arhuacos and Arsarios and I read and heard that these groups preserved some of their shamanic traditions. If they would like to share their wisdom with me, I would love to listen if I decide to go... I will definitely go to the Tyrona park. It is a strip of coast unspoiled by civilization. There are only hammocks there and nothing else...
In Bogota I visited the Museum of Gold with lots of beautiful pre-Colombian gold pieces. There was a section on shamans and the indigenous idea of the world and cosmos. Here´s what I found written on one of the exhibits:
"Opposing principles are in a state of equilibrium in indigenous thought. There are men and there are women, light follows darkness, drought follows rain, and the world above has its opposite, the underworld. When this equilibrium is broken, the result is chaos, uncontrollable forces take over the universe, threatening disorder and terror. Wise men intervene at this point to bring order back to the world. They restore balance by means of sacred offerings and make it possible for life to follow its normal course."
The "opposing principles" are like yin and yang. The wisdom of the old, indigenous thought surpases any new, modern ideas. It is a basic principle which is in agreement with mother nature.
Many hugs to all friends reading my blog.
My father died on his own terms. He didn´t want to be immoblizied in bed and he wasn´t - he was walking on his own till the last day, enjoying life till the last minute. He died of internal hemhorrage which was a quick way to part with this world, in the end. I wasn´t with him when it happened physically but spiritually I was. I could feel his passing away and I experienced the transformation of the soul to a different dimension with him. He was not alone in the end and he still is not. The souls are never separated... I am grateful for meeting Shanti with whose help I can see things this way. To see things this way makes life rich and full of hope, as opposed to feeling emptyness, sadness and misery after loss. There is no sadness in me. There is only gratitude for the time spent together. The time spent together was difficult at times, especially the times where I was not wise and didn´t see things I later become to see. It took me some time to understand my dad but once I did I could feel unconditional love for him. My father has gone through very bad experience during the war, when he was a young boy. It made a mark in him and left him with many scars. After that it was hard for him to trust, to allow himself to love, and to express his feelings. On Easter morning he gave me a chocolate heart on which there were sugar letters saying "I love you." It was the closest he got to telling me that he loved me. However hard it was for him to express it I know that he loved me. I eate the hart piece by piece and it filled my heart with sweetness...
After I got back to NY I started studying hard to make up the missed tests at school and to prepare for the finals - I wanted to take them with my group because I so love it I want to stick to it until I graduate. They are incredible people. I got from them all the materials I needed and I passed all the exams. The exams were much harder than the previous semester and contained much more material. The day of the last exam, which was last Friday, I had a huge headache... That evening two of my classmates Karen and Autumn, and Rashid (Gosia went camping upstate) joined me to say goodbye to Ania and Tomek - two friends who are leaving for a year to backpack Siberia, China, India and South East Asia. I wasn´t sure if I could make it to the farwell with that big headache but we eased it with wine and beer...
On Sunday I came to Bogota. I have a three-week break from school and decided to do what I tend to be doing after events which seem to be breaking points in my life: it feels best to me to put a backpack on my back and go into the unknown. And the best place to do it is South America. It is my favorite continent still. It´s where I feel best (and on Iberian Peninsula). I found a hostel in the part of the city called la Candelaria - the oldest part surrounding the cathedral, with narrow winding streets, old buildings with patios and gardens inside. As always in South America I was struck with people´s kindness. After I came in the evening I went to eat and then for a walk to plaza major where I found the friendly dogs, wagging tails and stretching out for a pat and rub... This is honey for my soul... On my way from the airport a bus driver invited me to sit next to him and for half an hour we talked about life and he said life is hard in Bogota but it has a soul. Would a bus driver in NY say this to me? First of all he wouldn´t be able to talk to me while driving... So many things in NY are forbidden that it almost seems like life is stripped of its flavor by all these things one cannot do... Too much security makes life bland... But for now I can enjoy liberty of talking to bus drivers and all other people who feel inclined to talk to me. I am going to Santa Marta today. It is a coastal town up north and a port, and is a place from where one can go to Tyrona national park and from where excursions are made to Ciudad Perdida. I don´t know if I will go to see the Lost City (excavated ruins of lost civilization which are accessible through a trail in the jungle) - I will see how I feel when I get there. It is an area inhabited by indigenous groups of Koguis, Arhuacos and Arsarios and I read and heard that these groups preserved some of their shamanic traditions. If they would like to share their wisdom with me, I would love to listen if I decide to go... I will definitely go to the Tyrona park. It is a strip of coast unspoiled by civilization. There are only hammocks there and nothing else...
In Bogota I visited the Museum of Gold with lots of beautiful pre-Colombian gold pieces. There was a section on shamans and the indigenous idea of the world and cosmos. Here´s what I found written on one of the exhibits:
"Opposing principles are in a state of equilibrium in indigenous thought. There are men and there are women, light follows darkness, drought follows rain, and the world above has its opposite, the underworld. When this equilibrium is broken, the result is chaos, uncontrollable forces take over the universe, threatening disorder and terror. Wise men intervene at this point to bring order back to the world. They restore balance by means of sacred offerings and make it possible for life to follow its normal course."
The "opposing principles" are like yin and yang. The wisdom of the old, indigenous thought surpases any new, modern ideas. It is a basic principle which is in agreement with mother nature.
Many hugs to all friends reading my blog.
posted by Asia Kabat at 10:43 AM
3 comments
